My Before and After

emotional healing journey

Why should you begin your emotional healing journey? Why should you care about changing…Healing…Dealing with your pain and powerful emotions? Why bother?

There is no worse feeling than waking up and realizing years have passed you by and you are not where you want to be or feeling like you want to feel; you are still in the same exact place you found yourself before.

It’s misery to come back to the same place over and again, permeating everything you do, think, and say with your emotional pain, selecting friends, jobs, and partners from that place. Letting your family or others keep treating you the way they do expecting you to play the role they designated for you.

Giving your power away to others to find the answers for you, to give you your worth and value, seeking their validation, is an exhausting never-ending place of lack and worthlessness that keeps you in a hamster wheel of self-doubt, self-sabotage, and self-hate. The spirit within you hears and feels this, exists in this, and it does not feel good.

It is like a garden—the metaphorical garden in your soul—planting and nourishing new seeds that lead to change and different habits and patterns. As Robert Louis Stevenson says, “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds you plant.”

Before, I felt lost, codependent, worthless, disempowered, and insecure.

I had constant feelings of—what is wrong with me, why can’t I be normal, and why do I feel this way? I was angry that I felt the way I did and wished I were someone else.

It was like a never-ending train ride with many detours that cost me years of my life. I gave thousands of dollars. I was embarrassed to admit how I felt or that I was seeking help. I did not know what to do with my emotions or why things triggered me.

I did not know the limiting beliefs I had, why understanding the past matters, why I felt emptiness, why I would overreact and under-react and break into a million pieces suddenly and unexpectedly. I couldn’t understand why sometimes when I needed to have the courage to say something I could not gather my breath.

I was tired and debilitated by being told I should not feel this way, I should do this, I should be this. I felt broken, scared, messed up, and angry and hoped I wouldn’t wake up losing my dreams and hope more and more every day.

Now, I know what to do when in distress.

I have a plan to go to and if that fails, I try another skill from the many I have learned.

I have coping skills to avoid self-sabotage.

I can feel my emotions in a safe way, hear my emotions, understand why they are showing up, and honor them. This is my new medicine.

We all need to learn how to live in a way that we are not completely caught off-guard. I start to see the red flags and disrupt the self-sabotage cycle in time before it gets bad. I have learned to love my imperfect me—all of me. The biggest thing I’ve learned is to see myself with compassion, to love my inner child—that little girl whose needs were denied—to make sure she is no longer denied, neglected, or abandoned.

I feel accepted, worthy, loved, and safe. I still sometimes don’t know what to say or what to do, but the difference is that now I’m able to give myself time and tune into myself to understand why something bothers me or triggers me.

I think in the long-term and evaluate what is aligned with my values. I don’t act on things that get in the way and don’t meet my goals and values. Though it sounds cliché, it is like the saying “I’d rather be happy than right”.

I have given up the constant need to be understood, explain myself, and make sure people understand were I’m coming from. I’ve stopped caring what people think of me.

When feelings of emptiness, depression, and despair show up and it feels like I’m going to die and get lost in the emotional pain and mental agony it brings, I know it will pass. It always passes. Even though it feels as if it is going to be eternal, it never is and what matters is what I do during that time when it shows up.

I’ve learned that I can be jealous or angry or embarrassed but what matters is that I don’t act on it. I’ve learned to see to the root of my emotions and understand their purpose, regrouping as Daniel Goldman calls it. I can see how they are guiding me and pointing me to things that I want and that matter to me.

I no longer feel like I’m broken or like something is wrong with me as I can clearly see now why I am the way I am. There are things that affected me and changed me but what matters is that I see this, validate my pain, and I love myself with fierce compassion. I see how brave and strong I have been to have faced these things.

I’m no longer lost, I know why I hurt, and I know when depression shows up and what to do. I learn new truths every day in my introspection journey and my journey never ends. I’m empowered and listening to my gut. I no longer destroy my life, and have started to build a life I like. I focus on progress and not ‘perfection’, not who I should be but who I want to be.

I no longer see years pass me by but focus on making each day count. I practice gratitude for the blessing I get each day. I no longer throw money down the drain on external things that only give me short-term gratification.

I’m no longer embarrassed of my story as I know now it is what made me the empathetic person I am today. My life experiences, the contrast of what I don’t want to be, have been my teachers and helped me make the decision that I don’t want this for my children. It’s made me determined to not keep passing this dysfunction on.

I catch myself when I’m making decisions from limiting beliefs and instead of bashing myself for my old me resurfacing, I celebrate that I noticed the limiting belief because that means I can change it and choose differently. Though my past was traumatic, I finally understand it.

I don’t poke olds wounds but use my experiences to understand myself better, to see patterns of behavior and beliefs that no longer serve me, and gain a renewed sense of direction and purpose in my life.

It is not one answer or one skill; it is designed as an awakening journey that can lead you to true health. It is what I wished my journey would have been like if I would have had the chance to design it from start to now. It addresses the past, the present, and the future to find the causes of your pain and struggles; because the symptoms will never stop showing up if you only treat the symptoms and ignore the source.

Start today with a clear path by empowering yourself through learning. I share everything that worked. Click below: